If you know me, you are aware I changed my name, got divorced, cut contact with my family, quit my job, and moved abroad, where I know no one. About two years ago I looked at myslef and my life realizing I wasn’t happy at all. I created a plan for changing everything. It took me a lot of time – but that was the time I needed to clarify my needs and details. It took a lot of effort – but I learnt so much. And here I am – finally after cleaning everything! Me living abroad in beautiful Budapest where everything is new for me. No Hungarian language, no friends, no tips on how to settle, nothing.
I am on my path to create my dream life from the beginning, being grateful every single day for each of my difficult sessions in therapy, and blessing every tough decision I made! I am going to share with you how it is to start over. I am going to confess in front of you my fears and how life verified the projections of my mind.
For me – it’s funny to look at myslef this way. It is said – fear has great eyes. I agree! And I’ve been learning to not be attached to my fears. I feel freedom means the ability to observe them with healthy distance having the power to do what I want no matter what kind of visions my mind produces. I hope my sharing can be an inspiration for you to not be scared of your fears!
So first of all, moving abroad and creating my own space to live was the last step in my plan. I wanted to do that immediately after divorce – me and my ex-husband decided to live as flatmates for a while to not make my plan more complicated. But things I needed to organize before moving out were postponing, and I had no power to speed them up. It became a half of a year till I was ready to move out. And this way, not the divorce but moving abroad became the real separation for our 10 years relationship!
There was a lot of emotions and fears in me. Sadness because of leaving someone I shared my life with for so long. Fear of what if I can’t handle difficulties living without anyone close to me – no family, no husband, and even no friends in the new place. The excitement of starting something new, being independent living alone the first time in my life! Sadness and happiness, fear and excitement. An emotional roller coaster.
Three weeks before moving to Budapest, I arrived there to find a flat to rent. I had 7 days for that, I felt strong fear it could have been not enough, and a lot of faith if it had been my destinated location, everything would have been all right. What scared me were long term lease agreements without any notice period, so no possibility to change the place I live in case. I decided to negotiate that point with landlords as something necessary for me. Most of the estate agents I contacted said ‘no way, not possible’…
But all my stress and effort to find a flat were a waste of time. What a story! 10 minutes after I started my travel to Budapest, a stranger texted me on Facebook. We talked a bit, and after three days he contacted me again connecting me with his friend who had a flat to rent. We met, it turned out the place was perfect for me, and she was flexible about the notice period!
When I had a flat I contacted a man who was intended to transfer my stuff. I found his serves on the Internet months before, we agreed the price, and there was only a date to set up. The cost was quite low because he had his own professional reasons to visit Budapest. It turned out his deadline was not clear, and there was nothing he could have done with that. I explained to him I needed to know some days before when we were supposed to go. I was pushing him, and a week before my moving out we finally agreed a date based on a promise to drive no matter what his other duties.
I had a huge fear he could have broken his word because it would have been unprofitable for him.. I didn’t know this man at all, I didn’t see him even one time in my life. I called him regularly to ask if the deadline for his job in Budapest was agreed. I wanted to feel safer, and in case find another way. Every time the answer was ‘no’… A day before moving out my ex-husband asked about the man sharing with me his fear of traveling with a stranger, creating a vision of human trafficking, looking for inconsistencies about details of the travel.
Do you know how it all ended? The man came as he promised. I spent 10 hours in the car having a very nice conversation, watching youtube together, eating banana chips together, and at the end listening to Edit Piaf in the middle of the night. We are still in touch, and maybe even we will meet when he is in Budapest again. There was totally nothing to be scared about!
And the last thing for today… The worst vision of myslef in Budapest was about me hiding in the flat because of such difficult emotions after all the changes. Me depressed, not dealing with the new reality, unable to earn money, finally not having enough savings to have my independent life. A vision of me changing the life I wasn’t happy about into something which was an illusion of a change because the reason I wasn’t happy was in me, it didn’t depend on the things I eliminated. A vision of me experiencing that all the therapy I had didn’t really work. A very scary ‘what if’ in my head.
I am texting these words 10 days after moving to Budapest. I was never happier. I feel great in my new flat. I feel amazing living alone. I love the city, the Danube, I feel so good here. I already found places to relax in my free time. I have no problem making friends. When I feel going out I do that, and everywhere I meet people speaking in English with who I talk more openly than I could imagine that it is possible with someone I never met before. I already know people with who I ride bikes together, I have a nice Zumba class, and I know people who I truly want to talk with more. I have an amazing vision of what I want to do in my life and I truly enjoy working. And till now all the difficulties which happen have been possible to solve. I will tell you more about them next time!
So let’s observe our fears. It is natural we have them. That’s how the mind works when we get out of our comfort zone. It is called the survival instinct – things we know are safe, new is a potential danger. The mind tries to save us but objectively there is nothing to protect us from. Life changes are a natural thing. We constantly grow, our needs change – it is not life when we don’t experience new things. So how about understanding the fears, saying them ‘thank you for your protection’, and just doing what we want to feel happy?