I changed my name. I divorced my husband. I cut contact with my family. I quit my job. It is 6.30 pm when I am texting this, and in 3 hours I will start traveling abroad to rent a flat and move in somewhere where I will start over. The place where everything is new, I have no friends, I don’t know the language, I have no job, I don’t know any place. I am freaking out but at the same time, I need it…
Two years ago I made a decision to clean my life getting rid of everything that made me unhappy and preparing the space for the new. I had a list of many steps to make it real. Therapy to make me aware of my limitations and strong enough to change. A strategy of making savings. A lot of work to let go of all attachments to people I was related to. Some of them stayed as friends, some of them didn’t want to accept my need to be free and we broke up.
I was able to imagine some parts of my dream life. There was living abroad and traveling a lot. Changing places where I live. An online job which made this kind of life possible. Friends all over the world. A lot of interactions with new people and experiencing reality spontaneously. There was me free to make every choice, change every decision, try new things. Brave and open. Called the way I created for myslef – ‘May’ because ‘ I may so there is nothing I have to do but there is a lot I may choose when I want’.
And now it is all starting. My life is clean of everything I didn’t want and prepared for the new. I picked one place from the list of the cities I would like to live in. The cheapest, the closest to Poland where I spent all my life and possible to handle using only English. An easy start? I don’t feel it this way now!
Tomorrow morning I will be there and I will start the adventure of creating my reality to have my dream life. Flat, job, friends, everyday activities. Everything needs to be created. I will share every step of that with you. It will be a story about discovering myslef, fighting against my fears and creating the reality outside according to my intuition which tells me what I need to be happy.
I want my life to be the best book I’ve ever read. Interesting. Full of strands. Touching. Making me laugh. Not obvious – confusing and surprising. Full of emotions. I will write this book for myslef and I will share it because I believe everybody has the power to change everything to be happy to the fullest and to be free of every limitation, and I would like each of us to be aware of their own power to change. No matter who we are, how we feel, what we experienced, what our lives are now and how impossible any changes sound.
My story is quite difficult. I’ve just started writing it consciously. Before that, there was a lot of violence since I was born. Alcohol in my house. Physical and sexual abuse. Mental violence. Very toxic relations, feeling insecure and worthless. I raised dead inside and struggling the reality to survive. But I survived and I am going to be happy to the fullest living life full of love towards myslef and other people around. I am going to be totally honest about who I am, how it is to change everything, how the steps to achieve that look like on my path and what I do to make them easier.
I have in my head now that everybody deserves the best, but it is our job to take it. I am taking the best for myslef and I hope you do the same, you don’t give up when it is hard, you feel hope, you dear to dream big and you are persistent enough to make the dreams come true.
Let’s change our lives together sharing where we are and what we want. I invite you to follow me and be in touch in this space full of honesty, love and specific tools and knowledge making changes easier for us. I am going to gather them in one place – my blog kasiamay.com. And I hope it will serve me and you in becoming more and more and more happy every day.
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